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    June 27

    沉默守望

    一直以来,都忘记了去写东西,没有了去记录内心感动的冲动。

    现在的我,像头徘徊在沙漠边缘的骆驼,蹄下的沙海就是我的旅途。那里有风暴和流沙,还有饥渴与酷热。

    我在守望,在守望着千年的苦难。

    我从来不知道为什么会这么沉默,我的牟子里看不到绿洲,有的只是无尽的苦旅和守望的那一份安然。此刻,仿佛世界与我无关,我所在乎的,只是“守望”。

    人生的漂泊注定没有尽头,就像可怜人类的苦难。每每回忆,脑海里闪现的仍然是灾难,面对灾难,我内心的悲恸常常汹涌得无法自已。我知道,有时候泪水的造访与软弱无关;我也知道,内心的痛无论再怎么去克制都是徒劳。

    于是,我不再去在意……

    我怀疑从前的那个自己是不是真实的,也许是这场灾难使我改变,我开始悲天悯人,像水做的。在归来的漫长旅途中,我无数次在思考自己的人生,思考自己活着的意义。在身体及其虚弱和无力的情况下,心灵却往往是丰盈的,没有羁绊。

    在生命的注视下,有时候某些坚持变得没有意义。我常常想起那些孩子们,那些瞬间湮灭的幼小生命,由此想到我自己,我会问自己:为什么我还可以活着?

    我也有着和他们一样的童年,唯一区别可能仅仅是偶然,时间和地点的偶然。

    我从来没有像今天这样感觉到自己的平凡,我知道,有时候骨子里的傲慢和自大于那么多纠结的灵魂面前是毫无意义的。

    突然明白,这个世界没有注定平凡。哪怕小小一粒沙,也不容漠视。

    我知道,除了沉默,我仍然无以对视那些灵魂。

    我甚至都无法窥见自己的灵魂,我第一次这样领悟……

    明天,也许我们依然桀骜和青涩,但我不会忘记,我曾经这么地渴望,学会安静地去守望着什么……

    在时光的某个角落,我们曾经试图沉默守望

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